Beyond bad doesn’t even begin to describe this one. A Dark Castle original film, the plan for the company was to remake the iconic gimmick-driven films of William Castle, Ghost Ship still didn’t fare very well despite, much like its production predecessors, having a solid cast.

And some of that cast, like Julianna Margulies have disowned their involvement in it. But check out this cast, Gabriel Byrne, Karl Urban, Ron Eldard, Isiah Washington and Emily Browning. All fairly reliable performers, especially Byrne and Urban.

Bryne is Murphy the captain and owner of a salvage ship whose ragtag crew scours the sea for salvage to lay claim to and make a living off of. When Ferriman (Desmond Harrington) approaches the team about a ship he discovered adrift and needs their help to claim, they hem and haw (and drink) before deciding to go after it.

Off they set, and soon Murphy and the crew, Epps (Margulies), Dodge (Eldard), Munder (Urban), Greer (Washington) and Santos (Alex Dimitriades) discover a deserted cruise ship off the shipping lanes in the Bering Sea. It’s been on the float since the 60s, but there’s something very amiss going on here, which the audience already knows considering the opening sequence that saw most of the crew and passengers slaughtered.

As the crew try to find a way to help the ship limp back to port so they can lay their claim, they discover a hidden store of gold, encounter spectral energies and learn the truth about why they were hired.

It’s pretty horrible.

Apparently, the film was initially pitched as more of a psychological horror, a Shining on a cruise ship. But a huge rewrite just before shooting ruined that idea, and the actors, under contract, had to suffer through this new version. A version that lacks scares, treats its audience like morons and obviously wants to spend its money on the cast and some fairly decent effects.

Personally, I love the idea of something like The Shining at sea, a remote location where you can’t escape from confronting something that may or may not be real, and its effect on you. That’s pretty spooky.

Instead, what we were given is a subpar ghost story that isn’t too intent on making anything sensible, or remotely enjoyable. As much as I didn’t like 13 Ghosts or House on Haunted Hill, they were definitely more solid films than this mess.

Once the company, Dark Castle, expanded past shoddy remakes, and poorly scripted original films, they began to flourish, but honestly, I do wish they’d revisit the Castle filmography, and then give us a really solid script with some earned scares.

But don’t even take a look at this one out of curiosity. It’s not worth your time. Having said that, the opening title sequence and the film’s opening are actually really solid and well-crafted. After that, it all goes sideways.