There are a few things to redeem the 1981 iteration of the Lone Ranger story, it has a score by John Barry, and features Christopher Lloyd as the film’s baddie. But beyond that, this one is pretty horrible. The story, while violent, isn’t layered, sophisticated or much stronger than a grade-school tale. And that’s to say nothing of the film’s lead Klinton Spilsbury. This is his only film, and he had to have his performance dubbed by James Roach because his voice was deemed not strong enough.

The film tries to stick fairly close to the previously established tale, John Reid (Spilsbury) is the lone survivor of an ambush by the villainous Cavendish (Lloyd). With his loyal Native American friend, Tonto (Micheal Horse) at his side, Reid dons the infamous mask and seeks to deliver justice (and a little bit of revenge for the killing of his family).

I remember when this came out, and while I never saw it on theatre, and honestly, I couldn’t even get through it as a kid when it was broadcast on SuperChannel and First Choice, I do remember the slew of toys that were associated with. And honestly, they perhaps had better adventures than the characters of the film, which practically killed a studio.

While the film is shot (fairly, if visually hazy) well, the editing, the framing, the pacing of the film don’t do any of the action beats, such as they are, any justice. And it takes forever to get the ball rolling to put Reid in the mask. He doesn’t get close to donning it and taking up the iconic image until the third of the film. It could have been a great payoff in a film that was better made, this one just feels like it takes forever.

And there’s this ridiculous narration, almost a sing-song, by Merle Haggard that doesn’t really help either.

And, of course, the tale just can’t simply plot Reid against Cavendish the outlaw, Cavendish has to have a bigger plan, one of great national import, one centring around President Grant (Jason Robards) who is travelling the land via train. Cavendish wants to establish the Republic of New Texas, separate from the States, and he’s kidnapped Grant to make his case, and the only person who can save Grant, and by extension the country… the Lone Ranger. With a heigh-ho Silver, our heroes spring into action, but…

It just doesn’t have what it takes to carry off the epic nature of the story. it’s too small, the lead is horrible, and even surrounded by able actors, like Horse, Robards, Matt Clark and Richard Farnsworth, none of it works.

Later this week I’ll take a look at the Gore Verbinksi update, which had problems of its own.